I worked really hard to prevent things from happening. I was careful with my time so I wouldn’t get off track. I put a lot of energy and effort into removing negative people, things, and thoughts from my life. Bad things kept happening, my schedule never worked out how I expected and the negatives kept appearing and reappearing.
What are you getting at, Melissa?
I stopped working really hard. That’s what I’m getting at.
I let go of the control. I don’t try to prevent bad things from happening. Spending my life trying to think ahead of things that haven’t actually happened yet was, well, driving me crazy.
I let go of my concept of time. Did working out at zero-dark-thirty actually make me better than those that worked out on their lunch break, while their kids were napping, or at the end of the day? I’ll go ahead and give you the answer: NOPE. Was the number of hours I put into something the most important piece of the puzzle? Abso-freakin-lutely not.
I let the negative people, things and thoughts go right ahead and pop up. I can’t change another person, I can’t control other things and let’s face it, those negative thinking patterns have been around for a really, really long time.
Okay, okay; that all makes sense but what do you do??
I focus on the rebound rate. The rebound is all that matters.
Think of it in the context of a basketball game: the ball will go back and forth, you’re not always going to be in control of the ball. The goal is to get the ball back as quick and effortlessly as possible. Focus on getting the rebound and getting the ball back.
I can’t prevent bad things from happening, events throwing off my schedule or negative self-talk from creeping up so I throw ALL of my energy towards my rebound rate. How quickly I can get myself back to where I want to be.
My sole goal in controlling my life has been throwing all of my energy towards what I want, not what I was trying to stop. I focus all of my effort on closing the gap between when something unwanted happens and when I pulled myself back together.
The story that comes to mind I had a business meeting that housed the best closet I’ve ever seen. A walk in closet with a pull up bar and climbing ropes. If you don’t know what climbing ropes are picture a 1980’s movie where a kid was forced to attempt a rope climb and embarrassingly couldn’t do it. Well, neither could I. And I have to tell you, a couple years ago I would have been devastated that I couldn’t do something that a perceived “fit” person, especially someone who claimed fitness as a profession, couldn’t do. I got much farther up the first try then I did the second so I turned around and said ‘I’m going to have to practice this and try again’ and I genuinely meant it. In the span of a minute I felt embarrassed, frustrated, proud, eager, and then calm. The embarrassment and frustration are pretty obvious and then pride that I was willing to try something I had never done, in front of other people no less and then eager to practice it. The calm came from processing all of those emotions and sending them right out and bringing my attention back to the present moment. When I started this practice that may have taken me a total of five days to make it through those five emotions. These are the easier tasks for me these days.
I am divorced and share custody with my soon to be four year old son. These years are so delicate on their psyche, emotions, and self-esteem. It’s hard to be three. It’s hard to be three and constantly having to leave people you love, experience separateness from one parent at all times, and hear things that aren’t made for three year olds to process. That same practice of letting go of control is a difficult one when you are a mom and your child is involved. Even on the days I have work scheduled from the moment he leaves until the moment he comes home, the second he is gone I miss him. I want to be there to help him work through things, to hear the funny thoughts that go through his head and to protect him from anything I feel he shouldn’t have to go through. And still…
I let go of control. My hope for my son is that he grows up to become a kind, compassionate, and resilient adult and one thing I know for certain is you don’t get there without turmoil.
I let go of my concept of time. He is three. It’s hard to be three. But who I am to decide what he is ready to feel and experience. He might experience something now that he doesn’t process until he’s 33 and that would still be the perfect time.
I let the negative people, things and thoughts go right ahead and pop up. I feel all the feelings. I don’t shove them aside. I acknowledge the pain and sadness, I process it, and I rebound.
Gabby Bernstein shares a Universal Lesson for this concept: Our happiness is a direct reflection of how quickly we can restore our fear back to love. The goal is not to avoid the fear but to close the gap between experiencing the fear and restoring ourselves back to love.
My goal is not to avoid anything unfavorable but in how quickly I can restore myself back to calm..
It’s all about the rebound rate.
The processing piece isn’t easy. If you find yourself working on your rebound rate and in need of a sounding board try a one session coaching call. If you find you have a lot of processing you’re ready to get started on check out my six month holistic lifestyle coaching package.
Your constantly rebounding friend,